Change

All she had been doing for almost three weeks was thinking of the possibilities. Reading new kinds of blogs. Doing research. Trying to answer all of the questions she had. Some that would be impossible to answer in advance.

She was like that, you see. A planner. Someone who had to know all of the answers and possibilities. Someone who had to think everything through...in great detail. Sometime, thinking THAT MUCH kept her from doing anything. From making any decisions. From having any real adventures (though she liked to think she was an adventurer).

She had grown tired of this....thinking thing. Of trying to plan for everything.

To be completely honest, she had also grown weary of job searching. Of looking for a proper full-time job in her field. It was discouraging not to get any positive responses. To be told she was over-qualified. Or under-qualified. Or to be told nothing at all. No ringing of the phone. Sometimes, she tried to will it to ring (isn't she silly?)

And it's funny you see, cause even though she was doing her best...diligently sending out resumes, doing her follow-ups, and trying to remain positive...the bills kept coming. Funny, how that happens eh? How life just continues as normal even when things aren't quite that normal?

So she acknowledged that she didn't have ALL of the answers but she had the ones that really mattered.

And that she desperately needed a change.

All day the following thought went through her mind: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (attributed to Einstein). She was also thinking: keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you've been getting. It was on auto-repeat. Keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you've been getting.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Keep doing what you've been doing....

She didn't think she was insane. And she knew she didn't like what she had been getting.

.......................

So she stopped trying to plan and find all the answers and decided to follow the little voice inside (maybe she WAS insane? a little voice ;) ?!?) and to go with the flow.

And so, it was with a racing heart and slightly shaky fingers that she filled out the questions on the form and, at 9:17 am on July 7, hit send and accepted the offer.


(though she received the offer she still had to be formally accepted after returning the answer form, so it could go either way....)