7.07.2010

Change

All she had been doing for almost three weeks was thinking of the possibilities. Reading new kinds of blogs. Doing research. Trying to answer all of the questions she had. Some that would be impossible to answer in advance.

She was like that, you see. A planner. Someone who had to know all of the answers and possibilities. Someone who had to think everything through...in great detail. Sometime, thinking THAT MUCH kept her from doing anything. From making any decisions. From having any real adventures (though she liked to think she was an adventurer).

She had grown tired of this....thinking thing. Of trying to plan for everything.

To be completely honest, she had also grown weary of job searching. Of looking for a proper full-time job in her field. It was discouraging not to get any positive responses. To be told she was over-qualified. Or under-qualified. Or to be told nothing at all. No ringing of the phone. Sometimes, she tried to will it to ring (isn't she silly?)

And it's funny you see, cause even though she was doing her best...diligently sending out resumes, doing her follow-ups, and trying to remain positive...the bills kept coming. Funny, how that happens eh? How life just continues as normal even when things aren't quite that normal?

So she acknowledged that she didn't have ALL of the answers but she had the ones that really mattered.

And that she desperately needed a change.

All day the following thought went through her mind: the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results (attributed to Einstein). She was also thinking: keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you've been getting. It was on auto-repeat. Keep doing what you've been doing and you'll keep getting what you've been getting.  The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. Keep doing what you've been doing....

She didn't think she was insane. And she knew she didn't like what she had been getting.

.......................

So she stopped trying to plan and find all the answers and decided to follow the little voice inside (maybe she WAS insane? a little voice ;) ?!?) and to go with the flow.

And so, it was with a racing heart and slightly shaky fingers that she filled out the questions on the form and, at 9:17 am on July 7, hit send and accepted the offer.


(though she received the offer she still had to be formally accepted after returning the answer form, so it could go either way....)

33 comments:

Tamstyles said...

Good for you girl. I hope it works out and gives you what you need. You will be in my heart. Love the way this was written.

Sue @ SimonsSistaSaw said...

It's a huge decision you have made but I can't help but feel you've made the right one, the very best one. Fingers crossed it works out and this dream becomes you reality. And just quietly, I'd more likely think you insane if you didn't need to mull over a decision of this magnitude.

Kyla Roma said...

Ah! Crazy! Congratulations, I hope it all lines up for you :)

Rachel Q said...

Wow! CONGRATS on making the decision. That's one of the hardest parts! Hope is goes well! Fingers crossed!

Jason said...

Ooooo.
Congrats. And nice writing here.

Don't sound so scared - It's gonna be amazing.

Mandy said...

I just had tears in my eyes because I know what this feels like, the trying and feeling like you're getting no where, desperately wanting a change. I am so, so proud of you and incredibly excited to see how this all plays out for you. Sending big hugs.

Allison said...

You go girl! Embrace the adventure and the freedom that comes with not always following our "perfect little plan." I know you have some fabulous adventures ahead of you :)

4DsfromLHP said...

Congratulations! Loved this post, btw. Good luck in your new adventure!

Maggie Rose said...

Woo hoo! So glad you went for it! Fingers crossed that it all goes smoothly from here. I'm so excited for you and this adventure!

Margarita said...

Congrats!! I hope everything goes your way!! Good luck :)

Sunny said...

love LOVE this post. Good for you, Kay!!!!

Frederique eerpaled said...

Big decision. It will be a big challenge but that's what makes it worth it! Good luck!

Jessica O'Brien said...

"she" sounds very, very much like me ;)

so excited for you!!! what an amazing journey you have ahead!

Profit From My Closet said...

So happy for you! Wishing you joy, peace, fun and strength on this new journey :)

Joy!

Ms. Simone

Tamara said...

Great post! Good luck! My fingers are crossed for you too! It will be a great experience and it may be the direction that you needed to follow all along...

Rush said...

I envy you so much right now--I hope you get through! I really really hope you do.

Rebecca said...

Oh - so happy you decided to accept. I can't wait to read about your adventures!

LAL said...

Congratulations! I was hoping you'd accept - of course I'd like to read your blog while you're over there! I've decided to adopt "any decision is the right decision so long as one is made" outlook. You can always make a different decision later anyway, right? :) I'm so happy for you.

Designwali said...

the power of 'send'.... congrats and let the adventure begin!

Chinye said...

Aww kay congratulations! i know you must have a million feelings about such a big change coming but relish in the feeling! i'm happy you decided to go for you and it's my prayer that your journey brings the change, new perspective, and adventure you need!

Also i got your comment. I'll be emailing you soon :-)

Michelle... said...

Congrats on your decision! I think you've made the right one and won't regret it at all!

A Casa da VĂ¡ said...

It takes a lot of guts to make out of the ordinary decisions... good for you!

gia said...

I'm a planner too. I am so happy that your planning lead you toward doing it! There's a good book called 10-10-10, and it says you can judge every decision you make based on how you will feel about it in 10 years.

Katelin said...

awww yay! that is so exciting! congrats!!! can't wait to hear about it :)

Sweet Nothings said...

amazing

Anonymous said...

OMG! You accepted the offer! Best of luck on your new adventure!

Danielle said...

Ok, without sounding really cheesy I am SO PROUD of you. Maybe this is how my readers felt when I told them I was picking up and moving to Chicago.

Amazing move. It WILL change you forever (for the better). So excited!

And just think of all the blog worthy material!

Zeitoune M-P said...

Congrats and good luck!!! Looking forward to the updates you give us from far :-)

Maris said...

Wow. I really enjoyed reading this post. Good luck to you!

Jessica (Bayjb) said...

Way to go! I'm so happy to hear you accepted and I can't wait to hear more about this :)

Anonymous said...

Forgive the cosmic corny-ness, but you asked the universe for a change and it answered you. I'm so glad you are going through with it. Remember, a year flies by and Howard will be in good hands and will miss you, but not forget you. Do you get to come home at all while posted? A friend of mine works for the UN and she gets two visits per year.

DaVida Chanel said...

In tears - we are soooooooooooooo much a like!!!

Serial Planner said...

I felt like I was reading a page from one of my journals. Thank you for sharing.

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